July 06, 2007 - TRANSITIONS: THEY TAKE WORK! - (20th of Av, 5767)

Most of us think that we are irreplaceable in our jobs or in the capacities we hold in organizations and clubs. Truth be told, although no one will ever do things exactly as we do them, there really are people who will come after us and do what we have done, and do it as well or better than we have. This isn’t true in every case. For example, I’m not implying that if you are father or mother to your children that anyone can take your place. Some roles and bonds are unique, and no one should assume that they are expendable in them. But, generally speaking, since our ends will ultimately be the same, neither ought we to believe that there isn’t someone around who can’t take our place. In fact, if we are doing our jobs in life well, we ought to be raising up those people whose abilities we have mentored and whose pathway to replace or to supersede us we ought to be encouraging.

In our Torah portion for this week, we find Moses facing this very reality in his own life. Having understood that his time on earth was ebbing and that God would not allow him his ultimate dream of entering the Promised Land; having come to terms with his own limitations and impending death, Moses seeks the good of the Israelites and the enterprises he and God have nurtured over the decades of leading this people, by asking God now to appoint someone in his place.

God spared Moses beforehand a great deal of psychic pain by indicating when it was time for him to retire, and Moses insured it when, having appointed Joshua his successor and having asked him what God had said to him in the tent of meeting when that first appointment between God and Joshua had taken place. Joshua did not relate what had transpired between himself and the Deity. Moses, feeling terrible pangs of jealousy, having lost this insider track to God, immediately begged God to bring him to death rather than for him to suffer such feelings and the ignominy of lost status in his own eyes and the eyes of the people.

Too often even in the rabbinate or ministry when it comes time for the incumbent clergy person to step aside, a jealousy arises in that person, much as it did in Moses. Having put one’s energies…and sometimes they are of one’s whole working life…into a congregation, they do not trust that anyone else can take over the reins and keep up the good work that they have done. Sometimes it isn’t even a matter of pride of accomplishment and wanting to see that what they have planted continues to be tilled and watered and harvested properly. Sometimes it simply comes down to a matter of ego, unwillingness to admit reality, unwillingness to let go. If you could get into their heads, you might hear them saying: “How dare someone else attempt to replace me! How dare they try to do it differently! How dare they draw off the love and affection that has existed between these congregants and me,” as if those emotional ties were part of some zero sum equation.

The business of retirement looks so easy. Having done it once myself, let me tell you that it isn’t. Retirement…or merely stepping down from an important role…is hard work. Waking up the day after the farewell ceremony, finishing writing those last thank-you notes can find one in tears, because stepping down is closure, and, emotionally, we often are so busy, we don’t take the time to prepare ourselves. Preparation includes planning out what you’ll be doing the day after. It entails priming yourself for the realization that you will no longer be an officer, boss or employee, an integral part or even an un-integral part of whatever it is that you are leaving.

The key to some of this separation-separating business is that even though we have goals that we strive for as we work or lead, there ought to be something more in the day-to-day that is more than results-driven. Those who are involved in education see this all the time with students. Students are results-driven. Especially those who come from homes where college is a “must” goal, these kids push constantly for good grades. They push everything else aside including the love of learning! They push themselves mercilessly to get to the next step, but sometimes they don’t take the time or put enough emphasis where it really counts…and that’s in developing their own character. When life itself becomes little more than stepping stones to a ‘next level,’ the person on that treadmill can wind up pretty jaded, not always understanding what happened along the way to bring him or herself to that burned out point, unknowing why they are unhappy, angry and depressed, and devastatingly down on themselves.

We have too many instances in the Reform movement of rabbis who haven’t figured out how to let go. We have some instances of congregations who haven’t broken the code to how to let their rabbis go. I do not believe that it requires thirty days of mourning which the Israelites dedicated to the memories of Miriam, Aaron and Moses, but it is the idea behind the mandatory nature of farewell services, parties, recognitions ceremonies and the like. These all help with emotional closure and enable everyone in the process to move on.

Because Moses died shortly after he passed leadership to Joshua, he spared himself and the people that temptation to continue calling upon him as The Leader…something that would have challenged Joshua’s own abilities to lead, to set his own directions, to make the break with the past and move his own agenda forward. How wise of God to have gathered Moses to his ancestors, as the Torah euphemistically refers to dying.

But today, leaders and clergy tend to live on, and so too does the strife between those who attempt to keep their fingers in the mix, and those who come to take their places. It is long past the time when the Central Conference of American Rabbis ought to have devised rules and policies to help senior rabbis retire gracefully and their successors to come on board without the rancor that exists in so many instances. It is long past the time when guidelines ought to have been issued to aid congregations in this succession business.

Because leaders like Moses don’t always have the time to develop those personal traits that will enable them to depart the scene in dignity, the Conference initiated a seminar while I was chairperson of the Retirement Committee which began to address this issue. But it did not go nearly far enough. Working through one’s loss of status and planning for it; thinking through the days, weeks and months of what will happen once one has stepped down takes work, dialogue and help from significant others. American organizations and industry don’t do nearly enough to help people make these significant transitions. At least in synagogue Board life, we hold a place open for the Presidents of congregations who finish their tenures. We make them “Past Presidents” and encourage them to continue mentoring those who come after them. We recognize and value their corporate memories, and honor their achievements in the process. At the same time, it is critical that they know to bite their tongues hard when they see things being done in ways different from those they used when they held the office.

Many congregations attempt to do the same thing by establishing Emeriti positions for their retired and beloved clergy. But unless there are clear understandings of what the role means and what boundaries surround it, these positions often turn out to be nooses for the succeeding rabbi and the Board which votes him or her into the position.

Moses knew when his time had come. Although he did not fulfill his life lone dream of entering the Promised Land, his achievements have been recorded, recounted and emulated for thousands of years since he lived, led and loved this special people. It is because Moses did indeed live a life that was more than just results-oriented. Moses’ life and death teach us many valuable lessons if we but probe the genius of his and God’s teachings. He was a man filled with special attributes and rich in character traits that many of us hold in the highest esteem. Moses found that transitions in his life took work. (Learning organization skills from his father-in-law, Jethro) Like Moses, we ought not to saunter aimlessly into the stages of our lives, but are ever challenged to grow at and into each stage. It is for this reason that community is so very important…for we each have experiences and lessons to impart as we see ourselves and our dear ones moving along the road of life. We would each be wise both to share and to learn as we travel this road together.